Please Don’t Ask Me to Fix Your Printer

Computers. Everyone’s got one. They’re in your pocket, on your wrist and sending you push notifications every time a squirrel runs past your doorbell camera. But even as a computer science student, when someone asks me to fix their printer, I’m no more qualified for the job than a car mechanic is to fix an airplane.

Sure, any printer worth its weight in ink cartridges these days is going to be filled with electronic features like a touch-screen menu interface and the ability to connect to Wi-Fi, and yes, I deal with computers that also have these features on a regular basis. However, this does not mean that I know why your printer must be constantly realigned, allowing it to gleefully spew a page’s worth of ink onto a piece of paper "for calibration purposes.” Nor do I know why your paper tray is always empty, though it probably has something to do with goblins.

But if you must recite the sacred words, “Will you please fix my printer?” then you give me no other choice. I must come to your house. I must find your printer. And I must unplug it for five seconds before plugging it back in. This is my fate. You’re welcome.